Friday Fictioneers (22 Feb 2013)

Lately, I’ve played around with some prompt-based writing, including some productive flash fiction and themed short story pieces for LitReactor. But for a while now, I’ve watched from the side of the pool while several of my writer friends have enjoyed a dip into picture-prompt flash fiction. Now, I finally have the opportunity to put on a suit and join them.

It’s called Friday Fictioneers, and you can find it weekly at Rochelle Wisoff-Field’s blog. The idea is to write 100 words inspired by the image. Here’s this week’s pic (copyright Janet Webb:

copyright-janet-webb

And now (drum roll, puhleeese), my entry:

__

“The Language of Bees” by C. Patrick Neagle

My father said that of all the reasons I might wish to put a bumblebee in my mouth, impressing someone else wasn’t a good one.

But what did he know of the trials one must face to win the heart of the girl with the flying ponytail, the easy laugh, the eyes that saw worlds wherever she looked? What did he know, who had proposed to my mother by winding an engagement ring into cotton candy for her to discover at the top of the Ferris Wheel, and then had to make the carnies shut down the ride and search for it among the litter when it fell? What did he know, who had carried my mother the last quarter mile to the hospital door when the car ran out of gas and she was big and ready with me?

When we found the hive in the wall of the tumbledown barn, I put a bumblebee in my mouth. And then, my tongue swollen with fire,ย  it was my turn to be carried to the hospital by my father.

What did he know of being the fool?

She had laughed that easy laugh, and there were worlds in her eyes.

__

Well, it was 200 words instead of 100. Figured I’d cash in some of the words I didn’t use in those previous Fictioneer outings I missed–okay, okay, I didn’t dare make it shorter. The bees might not like it.

[I stole the father’s advice in paragraph 1 of this flash from Phil Jourdan of LitReactor. Hopefully he won’t mind too much.]

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24 Responses to Friday Fictioneers (22 Feb 2013)

  1. Sandra says:

    I really loved that, beautifully paced, great voice. Well done. And welcome. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Dear C.
    Welcome to Friday Fictioneers. I trust you find the water temp to your liking? Well done story. Entertaining. I’m willing to bet you could pare it down to 100 words. I dare you.
    shalom,
    Rochelle

  3. claireful says:

    This was beautiful. I loved the backstory of the father and mother – very visual.

  4. Loved it. The photo reminds me of grandparents’ farm, but no story is jumping to mind. Besides, I’m supposed to be working on my novel today. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • C. Patrick says:

      Thanks. And have fun writing. I’ve been working on short stories this time out. I’m going to hit those markets pretty hard when I get back, plus do some heavy edits on the novels that are currently ‘finished’.

  5. JKBradley says:

    Great opening line.

    • C. Patrick says:

      I’d love to claim it, but that I stole that line directly from Phil Jourdan of LitReactor, who used it at the end of an essay there. His father apparently said that to him at one point. I’m trying to come up with a way to lose it without it affecting the rest of the piece.

  6. Welcome and nice story. I kind of knew it was pretty long. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Joe Owens says:

    It is lonely beside the pool. as was said in On Brother Where Art THou, “Come On In The Water is Fine! A nice response, even if it is 200 words. But if you do it again we will hold you under the water for too long! ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. I’m so glad you jumped in (but very glad you put your suit on first!) Welcome, well-done and I look forward to more.

    janet

  9. I loved this. “What did he know of being the fool? She had laughed that easy laugh, and there were worlds in her eyes.” I hope she appreciates his foolishness as much as his mother appreciated his father’s.

    Welcome to the Friday Fictioneers!

  10. C. Patrick says:

    I’m having some connectivity issues out here on the high seas, so I’m going to have to do this the blanket-y way: Thanks for the lovely comments, everyone. I appreciate them muchly.

  11. Pingback: “Long Distance Relationships” | C. Patrick's Motley — A Goblinbrook Blog

  12. Bet good two stories in one. Hope you will enjoy the company in Friday Fictioneers ๐Ÿ™‚

  13. annisik51 says:

    I like that she saw worlds and then the worlds were in her eyes. It’s a great way of characterising. She’s a character that can look at the world and understand it from the looking. A ‘child of nature’. I won’t forget this device in a hurry!

  14. lovely writing here. I could read more and more of this. Now following your blog.

  15. So good to see you here, Patrick. Love your writing.

  16. abraham says:

    I loved this! Entertaining with beautiful stories in the background and foreground!

  17. kz says:

    you had me by the first line, it’s lovely! smiling all the way from start to finish ^^

  18. Iris says:

    Very lovely. And very visual. Such a sweet boy… I’m kinda new to the Fictioneers, too, and am looking forward to reading more from you!

  19. Very nice story, except there ought to be an alternative way to impress a girl with a flying pony tail rather than sticking a live bee in your mouth. Get her on a Ferris Wheel, dude!

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