I like to eat seafood now and again, it’s true. I have sort of thing, for instance, where I’m almost compelled to try the fish-and-chips if I find myself in place serving fish-and-chips. And, yes, I slather it with malt vinegar in the way of the Old World British, rather than dipping it in tartar sauce in the way of the New World. But, I’ve got to admit, what I really like when it comes to piscatory gastronomy is the triangle fish.

Mmmm…triangle fish. Delicately battered with a breading that becomes delicately light and airy when deep-fried, the triangle fish is a marvel of the oceanic depths.

Mind you, they aren’t easy to come by, these triangle fish. Neophytes can easily mistake a regular, rectangular fish stick as triangle fish. It’s even possible that some, perhaps slightly trapezoidal, deep-fried, battered cod or tilapia can be misidentified, as well.

Is this triangle fish? Or just … almost … triangle fish. Only a protractor can tell for sure.

But connoisseurs know better. There is only one triangle fish, and it can only be fished in triangular parts of the sea. Places like the Bermuda Triangle, or … uh … well, that’s the only one that comes to mind at the moment. So you can see why they’d be relatively hard to come by. I also assume — since I get my triangle fish from the grocery store — that these wily, isoscelescentric aquatic denizens must be caught using nets designed specifically for them, such as a fyke net, which looks rather like a bag from some angles, but definitely a triangle if you squint at it from the side and in only two dimensions.

Also, presumably, the Egyptians built the pyramids as storage bins for triangle fish. Since those suckers could hold a lot of fish, I’m blaming the Egyptians for overfishing the population and thus creating the current triangle-fish deficit in the oceans.

In any case, I take advantage of those opportunities where the triangle fish has been caught and properly prepared. In fact, it’s time for lunch now!

The author would like to note that this deeply insightful and socially relevant post is his return to blogging after an absence that feels like a very long time. He’s glad to be back.